Europe Under Impression Lebron is Coming

New York- While many teams and their cities in the NBA are preparing campaigns and offers to lure Lebron James and convince him to join their organization, sources close to the situation insist that James is going to continue his professional basketball career in Europe. "We have been in close contact with his people and we are assured that he is coming to play in Europe next year," said an anonymous EuroLeague official. Sources say that James has not been clear about his intentions on which NBA team he plans to join because he doesn't plan on playing there at all. "Playing in Europe gives Lebron a marketing edge other players have never had before," said Vladamir Augsburger, "He will have an audience in Europe as well as [North America]. Lebron will also have the opportunity of being the first superstar to play in Europe and play against far less skilled players, which will lead to his production of absurd numbers." After extensive research and collaborative efforts, Europe found that James' 48 minute production next season is projected to be 122.4 points, 76.02 rebounds, 39.87 blocks, and 45.2 steals. James will also find scoring so easy that it would be near impossible to convince him to pass to his pathetic excuse for teammates. "Honestly, the other guys would only be on the court so that we stick to the rules and play the minimum amount of players needed," said Augsburger, "And Euros are worth more than dollars, so that's another bonus for 'Bron."

Kobe Bryant: "I like lemons."

Los Angeles- When All-Star Lakers guard Kobe Bryant was asked Saturday about preparing for the Boston defense, pressures of the NBA Finals, and his stellar play recently, Bryant said that he "liked lemons." Bryant, a four time NBA champion with the Los Angeles Lakers, is facing his most potent opponent of this year's Playoffs,  the Boston Celtics. "I like lemons," said Bryant, when asked about the two teams' historic rivalry and whether beating the Celtics would make the ring extra special. "To me, there is no difference. I like lemons." According to coach Phil Jackson, Bryant "plays hard every day and never gives up on what he does, and [Bryant] likes lemons." The 2007-2008 MVP, Bryant was not shy explaining why he is so good at keeping his calm during pressuring times like the Finals. "It's easy," he commented while frowning slightly, "I like lemons."